Moods...
So I just arrived at work a couple of hours and when I arrived I was in such a good mood. I was running around getting things done and mocking my text messaging ringer. (mickey mouse) I was in such a good mood and then I go through my mail box and realize that I'VE GOT MAIL!!
So I start going through my mailbox and I've gotten some avon books, St. Eds Magazine and other mail. Well I go through the Avon books first, then my e-mail and then the St. Eds magazine and while reading the magazine I realize that there are so many of my friends in there, stating their accomplishments, current graduates, and future plans. Some have already been accepeted to prosperous jobs, and a future full of adventure and I start to realize that for myself I'm stuck here, I should be graduating this year. And don't get me wrong I love my job, I love living here in Austin but I feel that there is so much more I can do, so much more to see and yet I have to work to pay for rent, bills and finish school. I feel that there is so much for me to do and yet I'm still here working a full time job, going to school and I just dropped down to part time student making my stay even longer until I finish school. I've have had thoughts about going back home.
And for some odd reason I've been watching so much more television lately, since I'm not taking summer classes, but one thing was I noticed several shows talking about death, funeral preparations, and moving on with your life. And I think about everything, I mean as far as death and funeral preps. I just wonder when I die where am I going to be barried, where will I be when I do pass away. And yes I know I'm only twenty two years old but I've worked in EMS, with a Fire department, Police department, hospital making rotations, I've seen so much death in the last few years of my life and most of them came unexpected. Of all the deaths I've seen only two were expected one was my grandmother who was 94 when she passed away, the other was a friend of mine who was only 17 at the time. She knew it was coming she was diagnosed with Leukimia, she made her own preparations for her funeral as did my grandmother. And one name I will mention is my friends Laurn (our friend that died from leukimia). She left a song dedicated to us that was played at the funeral held in our school auditorium, it was "I Hope You Dance" by LeeAnn Womack. And everytime I hear this song I begin tearing up. And I start to wonder have I been pushing myself to Dance as she wanted us to. Have I been making the most of my life. And I think about what I have done, and I have accomplished so much, but at the same time I want more options and I don't feel that I am as productive as I could be.
Another reason for my thinking in terms of "what am I doning with my life?" has to do with the movie "In Good Company" With Dennis Quaid, & Topher Grace. You see in this movie Tophers characte "Carter" learns from Dennis's character "Dan " that you should love the work your doing, and truly believe in it, no just to make the sell but because it will eventually help someone else.
And I feel that this, NO I KNOW, that this is not the job I want for the rest of my life. I want to move on. I don't want to be stuck any more, but I know that If I move back home chances are that I won't finish what I started and I won't get to move foward. Some might say otherwise, but I know myself. I'll stop myself for one reason or another, and that is not what I want to do. You know I've considered moving to New York, or California or Florida even. Just away but first I want to finish my degree, then see where to go, or where i'm meant to go.
PurpleFuel
So I start going through my mailbox and I've gotten some avon books, St. Eds Magazine and other mail. Well I go through the Avon books first, then my e-mail and then the St. Eds magazine and while reading the magazine I realize that there are so many of my friends in there, stating their accomplishments, current graduates, and future plans. Some have already been accepeted to prosperous jobs, and a future full of adventure and I start to realize that for myself I'm stuck here, I should be graduating this year. And don't get me wrong I love my job, I love living here in Austin but I feel that there is so much more I can do, so much more to see and yet I have to work to pay for rent, bills and finish school. I feel that there is so much for me to do and yet I'm still here working a full time job, going to school and I just dropped down to part time student making my stay even longer until I finish school. I've have had thoughts about going back home.
And for some odd reason I've been watching so much more television lately, since I'm not taking summer classes, but one thing was I noticed several shows talking about death, funeral preparations, and moving on with your life. And I think about everything, I mean as far as death and funeral preps. I just wonder when I die where am I going to be barried, where will I be when I do pass away. And yes I know I'm only twenty two years old but I've worked in EMS, with a Fire department, Police department, hospital making rotations, I've seen so much death in the last few years of my life and most of them came unexpected. Of all the deaths I've seen only two were expected one was my grandmother who was 94 when she passed away, the other was a friend of mine who was only 17 at the time. She knew it was coming she was diagnosed with Leukimia, she made her own preparations for her funeral as did my grandmother. And one name I will mention is my friends Laurn (our friend that died from leukimia). She left a song dedicated to us that was played at the funeral held in our school auditorium, it was "I Hope You Dance" by LeeAnn Womack. And everytime I hear this song I begin tearing up. And I start to wonder have I been pushing myself to Dance as she wanted us to. Have I been making the most of my life. And I think about what I have done, and I have accomplished so much, but at the same time I want more options and I don't feel that I am as productive as I could be.
Another reason for my thinking in terms of "what am I doning with my life?" has to do with the movie "In Good Company" With Dennis Quaid, & Topher Grace. You see in this movie Tophers characte "Carter" learns from Dennis's character "Dan " that you should love the work your doing, and truly believe in it, no just to make the sell but because it will eventually help someone else.
And I feel that this, NO I KNOW, that this is not the job I want for the rest of my life. I want to move on. I don't want to be stuck any more, but I know that If I move back home chances are that I won't finish what I started and I won't get to move foward. Some might say otherwise, but I know myself. I'll stop myself for one reason or another, and that is not what I want to do. You know I've considered moving to New York, or California or Florida even. Just away but first I want to finish my degree, then see where to go, or where i'm meant to go.
PurpleFuel
posted by Unknown at 7:14 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home