Staying in Bed.

**(Note this is not my bed, it's supposed to be a Haunted bed and staying with the current Holiday Halloween I thought this would be a good one to post. HAPPY HOLLOWEEN)**

So Yeah that's how I feel today very Lazy!!! Why, uhh I have no idea maybe it's the fact that you wake up know what to expect from your day or in my case your night. But at the same time it could be that my bedroom is as dark at 3 in the afternoon as it is at 3 in the morning. And I don't wake up wanting to sleep again or tired or even frustrated I wake up feeling very good only I like the comfort my bed and how warm it is and how you can just stretch out in any direction and your mattress just forms to your body image. Dang, you would think I'm selling a product here, "buy this it does this and can help with that, but most of all YOU WILL FEEL LIKE A MILLION BUCKS"

Sorry I'm getting a little sarcastic with myself.

But you know if any of you caught last nights shows of "George Lopez" & "Freddie" then you would know what I'm about to say, Damn they were funny! George Lopez is hilarious to begin with but Freddie and when it first aired I was a little uhhh towards it but last night was just a hoot & a half. But oddly enough I was realizing that yeah while the writers were trying to be funny they used a lot of sarcasm and that is what gets you some genuine laughs. And oddly enough a friend of mine once asked what shows on TV do you not define as "good" well at them time I was not thinking fast enough for it but I could not come up with a single show, but now that I think about it well it would obviously not be one of the ones that I watch because if it was not good then I would not be watching it. Therefore any show I do not watch is obviously not good IN MY EYES!! (Not to offend anyone) Example: there is a huge hype over the OC but I on the other hand do not watch the OC for reasons of my own but most of all I do not like it. It's a soap operas is what it is and for that I can look at my own life or anyone’s life for that matter. As odd as most of you might find this we all live a soap operas life the only difference is they have it on TV, meaning it's "TV time" they are living they can age 100 years in 3 minutes if they wanted too, us we live reality therefore when a lover cheats on us or a family member or friend dies it seems longer more time from on thing to another you have the ability and time to heal from the wounds left behind. And if it does manage to all happen at the same time well it's the soap operas life I’m talking about.

So moving on the hype over "Buffy the vampire slayer" I never fell for that I watched a show or two but not more than that. I mean she is a good actress and all the characters were good I just could not bring myself to watching it on a daily basis. Now as per my earlier remarks about the shows that I do watch, not all of them are comedy, I like drama, I like fiction, I like just about anything I watch Law & Order SVU, The West Wing, Simpson’s, That 70's Show, ahh and now that they have created the new character on ER Dr. Clemente I've started to watch the show. I had pretty much given up on this show and when I heard that John Leguizamo would be portraying a new character I figured I’d watch it again just to see what it would be like so when it aired last week I was impressed. The character brings more to the show. Something different and fun in a bad boy, sarcastic, braincase type of way.

Always,
PurpleFuel

Crayons, coloring book, chalk, & drinks.

So let me see, yes this is a little confusing but for the most part I'm beginning to feel not overwhelmed so much as baffled. You see I'm starting to wonder where I’m heading in my life. In the last four years my life has changed so drastically that I feel as though I don't even remember who I used to be. I get together with my friends that I met only four years ago and we start to reminisce in what it used to be like and Oddly enough I was the one going out, partying, and staying out late. Let me put it to you this way I was the person you called on any given night to ask what was going on and where? If I was at a friends place it always managed to turn into a party or get together of sorts. Now don't get me wrong I'm not trying to be self-indulged but simply honest. My freshman year here I threw the biggest party that St. Ed's had seen. And, crazy as it may sound when I bump into someone from those days it never fails that I get asked "When are you throwing another party? Yours is still the best that I've been to."

Well I look at what my life is like now, and don't get me wrong it is a good life I have a great job, benefits, vacations, etc., but I have what you call a limited social life. The pay is good, the hours well I won't go there, the days that I work just completely out of the question most people wouldn't last here for a year and I'll be making my 2 year mark on the 27th of this month. I have become what I never wanted to become, all work and no play. I love to go out but what go out means to me now is not what it meant 4 years ago. 4 years ago it meant to a club or bars (underage, I knew most of the bouncers and managers on 6th) but now going out means to a theater show, Broadway show, museums, art exhibits, rollerblading, park, game nights, movies, green belt things of this nature much more simple and yet ten times more fascinating because you get something different every time. But like I said my social life has become very limited due to my work and school hours.

I work full time on Wednesdays - Saturdays from 7pm - 5am. Now let me ask you How many of you would like this work schedule if you were a young, single, college, female? Now school is not too much in the way a couple of classes here and there but nothing I can't handle. What is killing me is that the majority of anything good in Austin is happening during the hours that I work or sleep. You know it is very important to get sleep so yes I could sacrifice a few hours here and there but at the end of the week I just want to lock myself in my room and completely exile the world around me. That is why I take the time at least every couple of weeks to just soak in the bath tub in the dark with maybe a couple of candles burning and some Jazz in the background playing this is the only thing that keeps me sane week to week. The fact that I do exile the world around me for at least an hour every couple of weeks. But that is no social life. What I want is a social life time to go to a game or a show or a fishing trip my last real date happened about a year ago and it was one of the best that I have ever had. It was a night out to 6th street but not to club we went to a battle of the bands, a few local rock bands were playing and then afterwards a drive around town, then back to my place a couple of drinks and talking getting to know our past and our plans and then after about 2 hours of talking we went our separate ways and moved on with our lives. We stayed friends yes and we went out again but not on a real date like that night. Oddly enough that date was on a Monday night, why because of work.

You know a friend of mine who is 29 complained of this exact same thing but what he may not have realized was that with his line of work and mine, he was able to have a rotating shift and have weekends off from time to time, I on the other hand am stuck working the same days without end. And most people would say, you have nothing to complain about you have a four day work week the rest of us have a 5 or 6 day work week. Well yeah but they are short days, mine are long days and then I come home and have to do my everyday "house chores" clean, cook, laundry, bills, etc. And that all adds up and cuts down on your time to see friends and going out and if you take the time and add that in well then it cuts on your sleep time and that my friend will hurt you the next day at work when you have yet another 10 hour work shift. Most people think it's the same thing don't complain, but seriously try working 1 night from dusk till dawn rather then the other way around and I promise you, YOU WILL NOT KNOW WHEN YOUR DAY BEGINS AND WHEN IT ENDS.

I guess what I'm coming to is that There is more to life than work, I rarely get to see my family they all live at least 5 to 8 hours away from me so I can't just take a day to drive down to go see them. I have no real weekend and I've heard well you have Sunday's Yeah well YOU TRY GETTING OFF OF WORK AT 5AM SUNDAY AND THEN EITHER 1) STAYING UP TO GO OUT, OR 2) FINDING SOMEONE TO GO OUT WITH THAT NIGHT THAT DOES NOT HAVE WORK OR CLASSES ON MONDAY.

So where did all this come from well about two hours ago I was here in the office telling my friend/coworker how I wanted something to play with either crayons and a coloring book, chalk board or dry erase board something I was just so excited and happy that I wanted something childish and fun to do. Well I then get a text message from a friend asking if I wanted to go drink with him after work at 5AM. Then I hear from another friend that he is going to a show and that just sounded so much better then going to drink at 5am. What is crazy is that 4 years ago it would have been the complete opposite. Crazy as it may sound I just may have grown up in the last 4 years. But yet I still want to go back to those days where I'm laying on my stomach coloring Mickey Mouse pages.

PurpleFuel

I need a drink!

Okay so this week has just been full of surprises for me, aside from the fact that they have all been very good, they have all been very confusing. I really wish I could go into the details here and just let it all out but some of my "prizes" per say have this web address and well I'm just to chicken to admit what I have to say. FOR FEAR OF REJECTION! Yes the everyday, common, for lack of a better excuse "fear of rejection". I know females are supposed to be more influential figures in today's world, and I know that I have been a very independent woman since moving to Austin 4 yrs & 2 mths (glorious may I add) ago, but that fear of striking out leaves me sitting here at work wondering if I really want to take on what I have or may have coming to me or live the safe life that I had already intended for myself. Give it I have many pros & cons to what may push or pull my decision one way or the other, but there is one that is just unbelievably... Resilient, for lack of a better word, reason to stay with the safe life. AAAHHH but let us not forget on the other hand there is only 1, let me say that again 1 (ONE, UNO, SOLO), good reason for me to break or overpowers my first reason but this reason I jus don't see happening within the next year and if it does, well... That's just to damn quick. So I'm cast under this burden of future or present, of now or never, or to say EASY OR UNPREDICTABILITY. Yes I know that you do not know what I am talking about, but when it comes to matters of life, heart, future, and all that other stuff it's difficult for me to speak the specifics. And it is exactly because of THE LACK OF A BETTER EXCUSE of FEAR OF REJECTION that I can not say what is my burden. But to let you know that one road will take me to a simple life and the other will take me to a life of unpredictability I'm sure you can manage to figure out to what extent this choice will do to my life. So if you have a comment LEAVE IT!!!! Good or bad, I CAN TAKE IT STRAIGHT trust me ;)

Always
PurpleFuel

Busy busy bee

Sorry, just like the title says I have been a busy busy bee. Work, classes, and amongst that other things. So far things are going well, better than a few weeks ago. Many tough decisions to make and many tough paths to consider. But you know it only makes me feel better to know that I can make these decisions on my own.

So let me see what else have I been doing, I was sick for a while, went to the doc's twice in a week. Nothing big, so let me see I got a puppy but now she is with my cousin, I cut down on my cable (it's just way to much TV for someone who does not need it) you see I am at home about 20% of my week, the other about 30% school, and then 50% work. So let me break down my 20% at home, about 15% sleeping, and 5% other. So anyways I'm making the attempt to save all I can at the moment I want to take a trip to Vegas next summer. And yeah I've been doing my fair share of on-line Texas Hold'em. My gosh is that game fun, and I learned on my own. So anyway I would like to have a night at my house for just game night but when will I be able to assemble such a thing when I'm working nights and for that matter weekend nights well. Ill just have to wait for the right time to do so.

Either way just wanted to give a quick update.

Muncho Amor,
PurpleFuel